Naruto and the Idiots
by Angles of Death
Summary: Naruto and his friends chilling.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

"When you become a ninja, you have to learn to kill." Iruka said to the class.

Naruto smiled. "Ok!" He pulls out a kunai and kills Sasuke.

Sasuke dies and Sakura gets pissed. "WHY NARUTO WHY DID YOU KILL MY SASUKE?"

Suddenly Sasuke comes back alive and gives Naruto a boner.

"What the fuck?" Naruto yelled.

Ino cooed. "OH MY NARUTO YOU ARE SO BIG"

Hinata shook her head. "Actually he's kind of small." She then pulled out her own. You know what.

OMG.

Shikamaru literally flew fifteen feet into the air. He was shocked beyond all repair. But he found a pumpkin on the ceiling.

The only problem is, inside the pumpkin, was Orochimaru. Orochimaru had snuck into the pumpkin two nights ago and had been hiding in it since.

"HAHAHA!" Orochimaru laughed and jumped out of the pumpkin.

Everyone got really scared. Orochimaru began to dance like a maniac.

But then suddenly a squirrel came in and slapped Orochimaru across the face. "Bitch! I own you!"

Orochimaru was pissed as hell. "What the hell you damn squirrel? You can't touch a legendary sannin like me!"

The squirrel began to rapidly transform into a hamster (it's quite a complicated process). The hamster started cackling madly, and then flew into Orochimaru's pants.

"OROO!"

"AHHAHAAHAHAHA YOU GOT TOUCHED BITCH! TOUCHE!"

"Touche?" Naruto asked. "Isn't that a French word that means you got hit?"

Neji smiled. "No naruto it means you're gay as hell you stupid shit."

"Hey that rhymed!" Hinata said. She was still playing with her thing.

Kiba said.

Choji got scared. "Hey Hinata can you not point your thing at me?"

Problem was her thing wasn't even a thing, it was actually a pineapple.

The thing is pineapples are really delicious, there used to be some kind of pineapple kingdom where a lot of pineapples got together and started a democracy.

Suddenly they heard a huge yell outside. "OH DAMN ME IM TIRED OF BEING A TOMBOY!" Everyone lookd outside to see who it was.

It was the Hokage and he was singing "Smack dat all o'er the floor smack dat give me some more ~~"

He stopped and started casting a jutsu. "HOKAGE NO JUTSU!"

Everyone was confused. They had never heard of such a jutsu.

Nothing happened. "Ah, Hokage-sama, what is your jutsu supposed to do?" Said Danzo.

Koharu and Homura who accidentally bumped into each other and were making out stopped and said "hey wait we're 12450 years old we shouldn't be doing this!" Then they looked at the Hokage and asked the Hokage the same question.

"Yea Hokage what in the seven seas does that jutsu do?"

The Hokage laughed. "MY JUTSU SAYS YOU SUCK BITCH!"

But the problem was, they really did suck. So the Hokage's jutsu failed. "NOOOOO! I HAVE BEEN DESTROYED BY PEOPLE WHO SUCK TOO MUCH!"

At that moment a nuclear bomb exploded and killed everyone within a 50 mile radius.

-ii-ii-ii-ii-ii-

Fortunately there were still some survivors. Such as Naruto's stupid whiskers and Tsunade's huge knockers.

The knockers and the whiskers looked at each other. "Hey! Everyone's dead! What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

The whiskers smiled. "I got a plan! Let's do it to it!"

The knockers got really scared. "No way! I'm saving my virginity."

"For what?"

"FOR YOUR MOM! YEAAAA."

"wtf."

-ii-ii-ii-ii-ii-

Fortunately for Kishimoto all of his characters were revived because PAINE was nearby! "ULTIMATE REVIVAL JUTSU!"

(yea Kishimoto that's how you save your story from self-imploding... create an absurdedly powerful resurrection technique that pops out of nowhere. That's what Im talking about homeboy :D)

But the problem is everyone lost all of their ninja skills.

The Akatsuki looked at each other. "Well now what do we do? I don't even know how to make a bunshin anymore." Sasori said.

Uchiha Madara sighed. "Well I have always wanted to be a farmer."

Zetsu and Dederaida or whatever the fuck his name is started to eat themselves.

Konan sighed. "Great, Akatsuki now officially sucks ass."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Naruto found his whiskers which were humping Tsunade's knockers like crazy. "Hey you dirty whiskers get back on my face!"

The whiskers glared at Naruto. "hey! Can't you see I'm busy here?"

Kakashi started giggling madly. His favorite book was still intact, despite the nuclear holocaust. It wasn't Icha Icha Paradise though. Nooooo. It was…

"Donkey Meets Horse and Creates Mule!"

Gai comes around wearing nothing but a thong. "Hey Kakashi let's go and do 500 billion pushups!"

However he realized he could only do 1 pushup before he felt exhausted.

Kakashi smiled. "Hey Gai wanna read Donkey Meets Horse and Creates Mule?"

Gai got really mad. "HELL NO BITCH" and he started poking people with his thong. Problem was he could only poke one at a time. So people had to line up to take turns getting poked by his thong.

Gaara smiled. "Hey guess what guys."

Everyone looked at him and said "what?"

He sighed. "I'm not really a Jinchuuriki. You see. One day Kankuro was playing with his puppets when he suddenly took a dump and then that dump transformed into me."

No one knew how to respond to that kind of statement.

Anko smirked. "It's ok but have you ever eaten dango? This shit is delicious." She started eating some dango.

Ibiki shook his head. "Sorry Anko I have never had dango. But I have had a lot of ogands in my life."

She looked at him confused. "Ibiki what the fuck is an Ogand?"

Ibiki grinned. "Ogands are delicious animals that live in caves and only come out during the winter solstice to mate."

Itachi rubbed his hands together. "Mmm that sounds delicious!"

Everyone nodded. "Please Ibiki let me try one of those Ogands!" Anko begged.

Ibiki laughed. "Just kidding! Ogand is DANGO SPELLED BACKWARDS "

He laughed for like 15 minutes and everyone just sort of peed standing where they were. Because the problem was the bathrooms were all occupied at the moment.

"Hey!" Hiashi yelled angrily. "Who the hell is in the bathroom for this long?" He had been waiting outside the portable potty for two days now.

Just then the bathroom door opened. A nude Hinata came out. She winked at Hiashi.

"AAAAHHHH THAT'S MY DAUGHTER OH MY GOD." Hiashi started getting a huge boner.

Yea it's kind of wrong but you know what so is sex with midgets.

"It's ok." Naruto said. "I got some buffalo chicken in my room."

Neji was pissed. "What the hell does buffalo chicken have to do with this situation?" He pointed at Hiashi who was rapidly becoming a fiery volcano.

Naruto laughed. "Because now I can cook some buffalo chicken biaaatch!"

He started cooking some buffalo chicken on Hiashi's volcanic head. The aromas were actually quite powerful and Naruto felt like he was in heaven.

Sasuke sighed. "Wait I remember now I have some buffalos living in my house." He pulled out a random buffalo out of his ass.

"Hey guys if we put this buffalo over here together with that chicken over there" he pointed to a random chicken that had just popped out of Rock Lee's ass "we can make some buffalo chicken!"

i-i-i-i-i-i-i

However the Hokage was still pretty tired because he had spent all his energy on his Hokage no Jutsu.

So he said "ok guys you are going to have to get out of here cuz I'm gonna retire."

Everyone looked at him in shock. "But Hokage-sama why? Why retire?" Begged… Orochimaru.

The Hokage looked at him weirdly. "Orochimidget I thought you were planning to ambush me in order to get to become Hokage."

Ocorhiamru (yea I know I butchered his name but you know what I can butcher a lot of stuff like or this other bitch named tsunawremsdfjawermadsfijde) said "yea I want to replace you but dude you got some sick beats."

He pulled out one of those disco things and started a party.

"YEA! YEA! YEA!" Everyone started dancing cuz the beats were just totally out of this world. "Who let the dogs out? Whoo? Whoo?"

Everyone started asking "Who?"

Kakashi was dancing like a jacked dinosaur. "I LET THE DOGS OUT BITCHES!" He started summoning some dogs.

Kiba was pissed. "Hey you bambino who says you can let out the dogs? Akamaru here is the biggest dog there is!"

Zabuza grinned. "YEA BOY I LOVE THOSE DOGS!" But problem was he actually owned a cat.

His cat got eaten by like 50 dogs.

"WHAT THE HELL KAKASHI YOUR DOGS ATE MY CAT."

Kakashi laughed. "What do you expect I have 50 dogs here. 50 dogs vs. 1 cat. Guess who is going to win?"

"Who?" Everyone asked.

Kakashi laughed. "YOUR MOM! OH SNAP"

No one really knew how to respond to that either.


End file.
